What Would You Do If I Sang Out Of Tune?

What Would You Do If I Sang Out Of Tune?

Sing Out Of Tune
 “What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?” If you have fibromyalgia or some other chronic pain illness you have probably worried about people walking out on you and can relate to the question. The reason why is that anyone with a disabling chronic pain or fatigue illness feels like they are singing out of tune in the story of their life. Doing so also creates a fear of loss, especially losing your friends or family.
The following is a letter you might relate to if you’ve had a chronic pain related illness for any length of time. If nothing else it may be something, you can relate to or something that might be validating to your feelings over the years of invisible pain.  Feel free to use this note if it becomes necessary in your life to express the despair of having a chronic pain or fatigue illness and need to express yourself to those inclined to walk out on you who may not understand being out of tune.
Would You Walk Out On Me?
Singing out of tune is beyond my control when fibromyalgia presses the pause button in my life. The problem is that I have no control of when the pause button is pressed. I know it’s inconvenient to you because it is inconvenient to me. I don’t like the personal disappointment any more than you like being disappointed. I disappoint myself far more than I disappoint you. I live a life of letting myself down.
There are times when I may have made plans only to feel a flare up of fatigue, pain or other related symptoms causing me to cancel those plans. Those flare ups can be so devastating that my body won’t respond to anything or anyone’s selfish encouragement. All I can do is sing out of tune and hope for understanding, understanding that many times is hard to come by.
It’s hard to feel like I have always got to explain why I can’t make plans or keep the plans that have been made. This is especially true when I know that you are suspicious of me and my motives. Often I know that you don’t have a spirit of understanding and yet I try to please you, to go along with you, even when my pause button is being pressed over and over again.
Frequently things get to the point where I decide to withdraw rather than face the music of disappointing you or other friends or family. I can’t make you accept it, I can’t make you change your mind, only you can do that and I hope you will. In the meantime, I need to do my best to take care of myself. I’m the only one who really knows what I need and how to take care of me the way my circumstances require. Sometimes that means I need to reduce the stress in my life which means withdrawing from your life.
I have tried to explain more than once and so the question comes up how much do I really need to keep explaining when you fail to understand me? There comes a time when enough is enough.
I guess I can’t fault you from not grasping it. I still don’t believe all this is happening to me and yet I suffer every day. It’s been going on for years with no hope or no end in sight. Yes the pain and fatigue is real and yes, it is a constant every day of my life and even though it seems unbelievable, it’s real. They call this an invisible illness, but it doesn’t feel invisible to me. I see why you might not get the picture, but I still need to be understood. If you can’t or won’t accept what I’m saying, then maybe I don’t need the baggage of your unbelief and lack of acceptance in my life. Stress is a major contributor to pain and fatigue and I need to do all I can to minimize stress in my life.
A true friend would understand even if is seemed impossible to understand. Do I have a history of lying to you? No, I don’t. So why won’t you believe me? A true friend would. Family members and relatives are an act of birth, being friends is a matter of choice. I can’t stop being your family, but that doesn’t mean we have to be friends. If you choose to leave me behind or choose not to believe me then what is the point of straining over an unfulfilling relationship? You don’t even need to help me, all I want is to be understood and believed. Now you know why I sing out of tune, I just hope you won’t stand up and walk out on me.
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Fibromyalgia and Depression

Fibromyalgia and Depression

Some studies and reports say the up to 50 percent of all fibromyalgia patients suffer from depression. We know that depression, anxiety and all other mental health issues are a real physical disease that can be treated with the right medicine. Often many of these mental health disorders like depression are rooted in chemical imbalances within the brain. I don’t know for certain just how many fibro patients are plagued with depression or anxiety but to me, it makes perfect sense that so many would be thus affected.

Consider what we typically go through as fibro sufferers. Chronic pain, mental fog, fatigue, pressure, headaches, migraines, sore joints, malaise, insomnia and countless other symptoms. It’s no wonder that so many fibromyalgia patients have depression problems.

I would be willing to bet that almost all chronic illnesses have a higher percentage of their patients afflicted with depression. The chronic pain of fibromyalgia drives me crazy. Sometimes I just get furious in my mind that the dull, burning and aching sensations deep within my core just won’t stop. Pressure develops from deep-seated aches and pains that make me feel like a volcano is going to explode from somewhere on my body to release that pressure. But that volcano never appears and the pressure eventually relaxes.

When that happens every day, day in and day out, week in and week out, month in and month out, year in and year out, with no end in sight, it can make you feel like you are going to loose your mind. Perhaps that’s what starts the depression. Feeling the pain and know that while pain relievers will help they will not cure the pain. When all you have to look forward to is endless pain that is depressing.

fibromyalgia depressionI know that there are many who suffer from fibromyalgia who do not respond well the medicines presented to them. Perhaps they haven’t met the right doctor or just have a very complicated case of fibro. But for most people, we respond to one degree or another to medicine that treats the symptoms. Depression is another symptom of fibromyalgia. That would be depression secondary to fibromyalgia. But there are people who have depression independent of fibromyalgia. Whichever one you are, get help. Get medicine. But beware. Just like not every medicine will help fibro, not every medicine will work the first time with depression. Sometimes you have to try one medicine for a few weeks or a month, or so. If it doesn’t work, don’t worry. Try another one. There are enough depression medications out there that the chances of finding one that will work are very good. I know that for the symptom of intense muscle spasms, it took three or four tries to find the right kind of muscle relaxer to help me sufficiently. It turns out that I take one non drowsy type during the day and a different muscle relaxer during the night that makes me groggy. That way, I get help with my severe insomnia. Depression medicine can be similar in that it may take several tries to get the right one.

Medical scientists know far more about depression than they do about fibromyalgia so while you are forced to suffer pain and other symptoms like fatigue and fog etc. with the fibro, you should almost never have to suffer from depression. Just go to the doctor with your eyes open and you perception in check. But whatever you do, get help and don’t be tempted to self medicate, meaning drugs and alcohol. I have an alcoholic brother with PTSD as a Vietnam vet. He self medicated with alcohol and he has a slew of health problems as a result of the overuse of alcohol including the ravages of a stroke.

Don’t stand idly by and suffer from anxiety or depression. Get help. With fibromyalgia you have enough to worry about with the pain, fog, fatigue and dozens of other potential symptoms. You didn’t ask for fibro and you didn’t ask for depression. Get all the help you can with depression and maybe someday fibro will be like depression, take one or two pills and your fibro will no longer be a problem. We can at least hope, right?

Troy Wagstaff ©

I have no medical training. I am writing this article as friendly advice. I take no responsibility for what you do or your actions regarding this information.

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